she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
