Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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