Apparently you make a good broom.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
