pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
