Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
