I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
