I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
