After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
oh god the rape fog is back!
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i think i have two assholes
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
