at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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