i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize