i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What drink are we having for lunch?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
