he puts the penis in happiness.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize