i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
