Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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