How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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