He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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