Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
