So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
