Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
