Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize