he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
