I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
