I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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