I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
