I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
honey bunches of taint.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
