Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
