Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize