drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
