i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
