Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
