Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
