six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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