Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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