nut hugger
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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