oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
