It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
