and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
