I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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