So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
