every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize