were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
