I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
