You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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