K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
