She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
