yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
