He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
