meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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