bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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