he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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