I need help removing her.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
