Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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