Can Purell be used as lube?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize