Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
