I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
