pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
