My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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