Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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