Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
