You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
