I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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