my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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