i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize