it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize