just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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