Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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