quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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