dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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