She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
