Swine flu is the new snow day.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
