my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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