will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize