remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
