from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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